May 27, 2013

It's always so crazy to me how quickly your dreams and ideals can change depending on what phase of life you're in. I've talked before about how hard it is for me to find contentment- it's something I've gotten much better at but still have to make a conscious effort to be okay with. Right now, i'm in a rut with our house. It's completely ridiculous but I think since Ruthie came along, the way I thought I wanted to live changed and now here I am wanting change. Our house is beautiful. It's big. It's in a great location. It's across the street from a wonderful park. It's everything we could possibly need and I really do love it but the thing is, I'm dwelling on the things it lacks; a yard for Ru, a quiet street with other littles for her to play with as she grows, 4 walls of our own (there's a party wall between ours and our neighbors house.)

Even as I type this, I know how silly it sounds. I should just be happy with how wonderful what we have is (because really, it's so wonderful.) This is exactly what I'm talking about with my contentment issues. I feel so irrational at times. How can I learn to just let go of certain things and live happily in the now? Don't get me wrong, I am extremely happy with life right now and know how blessed we are, but it seems there's always something little that holds me back from truly living fully in the present. I watch Ruthie and think sometimes, gosh, you are just so content with this moment, not thinking about before or ahead. How can I be a little zen master like you, baby? They are so good at teaching us so many lessons, aren't they? 

So here's to working harder at realizing daily how amazing life is....


  1. I think I understand what you mean - it's difficult not to want more all the time, and I suppose it's not necessarily a bad thing. It definitely shows you have plans and ambition and the drive to want a new project to work towards.
    But I know how you feel, you can feel so spoilt by complaining (even to yourself) about what you dont have, when the logical part of you knows that you're really, really fortunate already.

    Example: whenever I get sick of sharing a house with students (and how messy and grubby it is), I long for the day when I own a property of my own and can walk into the kitchen where it will be just the way I left it. The only thing that stops me being restless and frustrated beyond belief is getting some perspective - it wasn't until I walked past 3 or so homeless people in the rain that I realised how silly I was being. I might not have the house the way I want it but I have a roof over my head and the people I want under it.

    I hope you don't think this is a dig because it really isn't - I can completely empathise with you because I'm just the same! Just wanted to say to try and keep some perspective. I definitely don't appreciate every day ALL the time, but I try to make a conscious effort to count up all the things I'm lucky to have, and accept that it's OK to want to improve it, but it's not OK if it's at the expense of realising what I have right under my nose already.
    It's definitely hard to do this every single day - I think people who say they live in the present all.the.time are fibbing..! I just try to do it more often than not; don't beat yourself up for not being able so long as you've tried.

    Don't feel bad, I think everyone feels the same way as you. I know I do.

    Flora x

    1. Totally agree with you, Flora. Thanks for sharing your perspective and helping me to continue to see how fortunate I am :)

  2. we live in a society that pushes us to never be satisfied and always want more. to some degree the grass will always be greener. though we are blessed we all have similar thoughts. in other news i adore your house and location. ruthie is a lucky cat.

  3. Thanks Care! That's the issue I have- I adore our house too so WHY then do I want something different? I blame society too but I also know it's a personal flaw I need to work on. I'm so grateful for all that I have and do a pretty good job at not taking things in my life for granted but I get caught in the what's next mind set too often.

  4. Firstly, it isn't at all silly. This is a natural thing that we all - no matter how much some deny it - deal with, especially in American culture. There is nothing at all wrong with yearning for something more than you have, at least as long as those things are for the pragmatically "greater good" and not just frivolities like a bigger TV. Wanting certain core amenities for Ruthie is nothing but expected, though it should be said that kids usually find great stasis in whatever circumstances surround them. Granted, there are polar situations that chip away at that balance, but that happens both with having too much or too little.

    Most notably, you're aware of the struggle, which can only be a good thing. Knowing that there needs to be a balance (but that this balance will, predictably, change over time) allows you to better predict how you'll handle the need for change, and brings you closer to knowing what you truly need and want.

    My greener grass situation almost exclusively revolves around time, especially when I'm on-call for my job (once every 5 weeks for the entire week, 24/7). "If only I had more time," I tell myself. And heck, in many ways, that's true, but to get that I have to give up other important things. And I strive for being content with my current work situation

    Saying you want a different yard, or a less [fill in the blank] street, or more little ones in the area, doesn't make you a chronically dissatisfied person. I'm pretty sure it just makes you a good and thoughtful mom. And Ruthie is lucky for that.

    [P.S. You, Nick and Ru - and the pooch, too - are welcome in our yard anytime, which will soon be a lush playland for FBC, who might also help address another of your wishes. Haha.)


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