THE IN BETWEEN

May 2, 2014

Does anyone else feel a constant pull between two totally different wants? For me lately, it's been a home in the city (which we have) and a home further out with a little bit of land. We own a small business that operates in the heart of our city's center. We absolutely love the energy that our city has been gaining these past couple of years and wouldn't dream of owning a business anywhere else but right here in Cincinnati. We live 1 mile from the heart of the city and are able to get downtown in under 5 minutes for dinner or drinks (and also to visit papa at his office during the days.) Being so close to all the action and having a house with a lot of space is so, so wonderful. Then there are some days where a more modest home with some land surrounding sounds like pure heaven. I know it's not what Nick wants (he is a city boy through and through) but there is something so dreamy at the idea of hanging our clothes to dry on a clothesline while our kids run barefoot as far as their little legs will take them. 

What we have now is a home filled with so much laughter, kitchen dance parties, coffee talk on the front porch, hours of swinging under the tree and countless nights curled on the couch watching movies. We have a new kitchen, extra bedrooms for more children, a garage to park two cars, neighbors who take care of their yard and our neighborhood, a beautiful view I often take for granted and most importantly we have a home where two turned to three. 

I know at the end of the day this is not about a house. It's about my constant state of teetering- between wanting different and more things in life and that annoying feeling that there will always be something better. Which there will be but there also won't ever be, you know? Right now is the best. This house, this city, my family, this life - it is the best. I think what I continue to learn through my adult years is that what we have in this moment, right now is good enough. It's better than good enough. What we have is a home filled with an abundance of love.

5 COMMENTS:

  1. Oh goodness, I think I've felt that way for as long as I can remember. I love living in the city. Being near great shops and restaurants and museums. I long to live in a city with a real city feel like San Francisco or Chicago but the weather in LA is so great (mostly, as I currently melt in 104 degrees in May!) and my life is here and I do love it in it's own way. I also long and dream and am slowly constructing in my head a home in the middle of nowhere with nothing but open space and flora and fauna abounding. Oh to be able to hike, meander with my camera, and be able to see actual stars in the night sky…and not have neighbors you can reach out and touch despite how lovely they are...or aren't. I'm sure if I lived out in the boonies all of the time I'd probably go mad missing the city (groceries in a pinch :/ ) but oh it does seem so lovely. I always feel torn in two, like I'm being indecisive because I want them both and they are wholly unreconcilable. I am fairly decisive so that feeling is a pill that is hard to swallow. Lately I've been pining for something small. A weekend getaway. I LOVE Yosemite and the area near there but how convenient is a six hour drive for a regular weekend getaway?? I recently discovered Casitas near Ojai…it has potential. Maybe a little airstream or tiny one room cabin on a little piece of land where I can escape to after the Friday rush hour traffic and spend the weekend exploring outdoors…. There has to be a middle ground where I can reconcile the two parts of me and be whole and happy… In the mean time I've been taking lots of day and weekend trips outdoors and that has been pretty satisfying. I feel like I'm definitely pining less, planning and exploring options more, and a bit more content with the status quo of where I'm at right now in my life.. but that little airstream in the woods is a kernel of something to come when the time is right..

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing toni. Sounds like we share a lot of similar feelings. I think you are doing it right- love what you have and plan trips and adventures outside of your home to fill some of the other desires.

      I love yosemite too! haven't been to ojai but have friends that absolutely love it there. I'm totally into the airtstream idea too :)

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  2. lovely post! it makes me think of a couple quotes i read recently,

    "never let the things you want make you forget the things you have."

    "gratitude turns what we have into enough."

    i think it is so hard to be content with what we have when it is in our nature to always want more.

    and our more's are just never enough, ya know?

    i have found (although i am no where near perfecting this), that when i focus on what i do have, and am thankful for those blessings, what i don't have doesn't mean as much.

    jesus, family, friends, a roof over your head, good health, laughter and love. those are such blessings in my world.

    and life is too short to be striving for more of "stuff" instead of the things that make life beautiful and worth living.

    great post again! :-)

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    1. Great quotes! Thank you so much for sharing. I agree- focusing on all the good definitely helps with that silly feeling of wanting more (or different.) Great reminders :)

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  3. You remind me of my husband... he also has those conflicting desires for so many different things, so that no matter how good the Right Now is, a part of him always pines for other things as well.

    One thing to consider might be to try to fulfill those desires for country living through the occasional family getaway. Rent a little cottage somewhere for a week, and get to experience that life for that slice of time. For us, most summers while living in California we'd spend a week up in Tahoe and enjoy living in the mountains (my husband's dream.. or one of them). We will surely resume this tradition as soon as we get back west, soon. Those vacations allow you to get a bit of the best of both worlds, and can help you appreciate the best of each.

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