Yesterday at my doctors appointment we went ahead and set a c-section date for our second little bird. I am finally at a place where saying that i'm having a c-section doesn't make me feel less than when it comes to delivery. For several reasons with Ru, after an entire day of labor I ended up having to have an emergency section and I struggled for a while after her birth with how my plan just did not go, well, to plan. At all. (You can read her birth story HERE.) Now I know that we did what we had to do and what was best for our daughter. She came into the world safe and healthy because I had a care team that put their expertise to work and delivered my baby the safest way they could. I'm so thankful for that.
When we found out I was pregnant again I was insistent on having a vbac. As the months passed though, I never felt a sense of peace and calm around my decision. I wanted so badly to feel 100% confident in the idea of a vbac (gosh I want / wanted to have a natural childbirth experience so badly,) but I just couldn't get there. The risk of a uterine rupture (although small) was just enough for me to not want to chance not coming home to my girls and husband. The way my body dealt with labor the first time was also a concern. I did not want to labor all day again and then have to have a c-section in the end. Of course there is just no way of knowing how any of it will go but I spent a lot of time weighing options and if I was going to try for a vbac I wanted to be FULLY committed to it. I had a conversation with a friend about making my c-section experience a beautiful one and it really helped me get to a place of peace. I'm excited about the calm, known aspect of this second birth. I know that natural childbirth can be very calm but in my experience the first time around it was anything but. Things like, being able to tell Ru when the baby is coming and to plan her hospital visit and her schedule with grandparents is also good for my mama planning heart. So while my choice for another c-section is not the best choice for everyone, it is what feels right for me and I'm so, so thankful that I've finally come to terms with it. Now watch me go into labor before my date! ha!
ps. Christmas in 3 days!? What?!