December 17, 2015

I really cannot believe we are only 5 weeks away from meeting this babe. I don't know if it's just me or all mama's who already have a child(ren) but it has flown by much faster than the first time around and I feel so unprepared even though I know what to (semi) expect. I was so ready for Ru. So ready to hold her in my arms - be her mama. I'm more scared for how I'll transition from having one child to two than I was from zero to one. I know once she is in my arms, my fears and anxieties will be gone but I've come to accept that it isn't happening for me now and probably won't until the moment i'm holding her. For the longest time I only thought about the things i'd be loosing - my one on one time with Ru. My undivided and devoted attention to her. Laying with her each and every night while she drifts to sleep. Our easy, carefree days where the agenda revovles mostly around what she'd like to do. All those things will shift in some ways and while that's okay and part of growing our family, I'm giving myself grace to mourn. I'm so excited to add another love to our clan and Ru can't even contain her joy over baby sister - the moment she meets her I think will be the closest I'll ever feel to heaven on earth and I can't wait for it, but for now, I'm savoring the heck out of this special time as the mama to one.


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