January 28, 2016

Our sweet little Wren has been with us for just seven days and already i've wondered how we lived without her for so long. I spent the past nine months struggling, like really struggling, with how I would love another little girl as I do my first and then she was placed in my arms and the fear and anxiety I felt the entire pregnancy melted away. It was like I could breathe again - one giant inhale of sweet, sweet, baby love.

Wreny came to us through a planned c-section. It was a super hard decision for me to make (which I wrote about HERE) but in the end I'm glad I chose it, mostly because her and I are both healthy and home and that was all I ever wanted. Very early on the morning of January 21 nick and I woke knowing it was the day we would be becoming parents to two children. I was so nervous, scared and anxious. Nervous for the actual c-section, anxious for how my Ru would handle this huge change, did she sleep well at her grandparents, when would I get to hold both my babies, am I going to feel that connection right away with this one?

When we arrived at the hospital we checked in (so calmly) and waited in a waiting room until they were ready to take me back. Talk about a nerve wracking thirty minutes. Once I was back in pre-op I was hooked up to an IV and the baby was monitored while I was prepped. A little over an hour or so later they were ready to take me back. I was so anxious about the epidural. Remembering my experience with the epidural for Ruthie's birth had me on edge - I was in the midst of hard contractions and it was just plain painful. I was wheeled back and we got right to it. My nurse was amazing and held my hands and told me I was doing so good while they injected the epidural. Isn't it funny how we need to be nurtured and treated like children in times like these? Her words and touch really helped me through the pain and fear.  It hurt but I did it and I'm proud that I was able to do it with a little bit of courage. A few minutes later I was completely numb and ready to go. My doctor came in and said something like, here we go! Which put a big smile on my face. Nick came in and it was game on. After only a few more minutes my doctor said okay, she's coming! I felt some big pressure (but no pain) and then heard that sweet cry and saw that sweet face. Gah, it was over! She was here! They weighed her and wrapped her up and put her in Nick's arms. He put her to my face so  we could touch and so I could smooch those little lips and nose for the very first time. Once they were finished with me, just a few minutes later, I had her in my arms. My little 6 lbs 2 oz Wreny girl. I had tears streaming down my cheeks - just so happy it was over and so happy I felt so much love for her already. The very definition of the word relieved. When I got back to recovery I nursed her right away and she stayed on for a solid 45 minutes. My little nursing champion.

It was very uneventful (thankfully) and we spent the next 48 hours in the hospital snuggled up. Ru came to see her baby sister just a couple hours after she was born and it was pure bliss for this mama. Today my Wren is 1 week old and our house has been filled with so much love I can hardly stand it. I have two girls now. I'm just in awe.


January 20, 2016

I woke up in my little girl's bed as I usually do these days to a sweet little kiss on my cheek followed by a too enthusiastic for it still being dark outside, "Mama! It's wake up time! I'm gonna go see if Daddy's awake!" It's the normal around here - Me sleeping in my daughters bed with her about halfway through the night until morning. Today when I woke though something was sweeter and a bit heavier at the same time - is this the last time I'll do this? Tomorrow at this exact time i'll have another little soul to nourish and care for. She'll be in my arms and my heart will grow in a way I'm not yet able to understand. I'm a mess of emotion and it's that kind of emotion where you can't even put words to it. Excited, sad, scared, anxious, overwhelmed, consuming, grateful. 

So today I am loving the little girl I've had all to myself for nearly three years like you wouldn't believe. The streets, sidewalks and yards are covered in a beautiful layer of snow and my girl is beyond excited to get out there to 'make footprints and run around.' We'll do just that, sweet girl. Probably followed by some hot cocoa, a warm bath together and some snuggles on the couch. 

Tomorrow we become four.


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