February 25, 2013

Now's about the time in new mama hood where the exhaustion starts to set in, the frustrations of breastfeeding not going 100% as smoothly as you had hoped, the cabin fever, and the long days of parenting alone start to wear on you. As much as I am enjoying the sweetness of having a newborn, it's hard.  Hard on my body, hard on mind and hard on my heart.  This little being needs me in every sense of the word. I am essentially sustaining her- without me, there is no her and the magnitude of responsibility that lies in that statement is overwhelming.  Is she spitting up too much? Is her breathing okay? She did something weird with her eyes, is that normal? The constant questioning and worrying at this stage is tiresome.  Each night my prayers seem like a broken record- God, please keep her safe. Over and over and over and over again.  When your heart loves this much, you feel consumed by every breath she makes.  This time is so precious, I do not want it to pass, yet I want the newborn worries and fears to pass as I become more confident in my role as mama.  We're good together, Ruthie and I and it's nice to know we're in this together. 

photo - coffee in bed is essential these days.


  1. Such a sweet post. I love these little glimpses into you + Ru's days!

  2. Oh, this part... I do not miss. Because yes, the worry and questioning and scrutinizing every little thing your newborn is doing and wondering if it's ok, is it normal, is it a sign of something...??? Oh it is exhausting. As kids grow older the challenges become different, but these early days and weeks and months are such an adjustment and can be so wearing, emotionally and physically, as you all adjust to such major changes... I guess what I'm trying to say is everything you're feeling and experiencing is so completely normal, and it will pass, and you're doing great. Trust yourself. And be kind to yourself.

  3. It's funny, as I started reading this, I began thinking about my relationship with God (not sure what faith you have), but how much our lives are sustained by Him (like a newborn). As a parent you begin to truly understand sacrificial love.

    I love that despite how we grow weary, God never ever does. He's got your girl and He's got you. :)

    I'm not a mom yet (soon), so obviously I can't speak to this too much, but thanks for sharing! I can totally see how it can be hard, so cheers to you for making it thus far!


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  5. Love your honesty here, and yes, this is it, this exhaustion, and overwhelming feelings. Love on her and on you, communicate openly with your hubby and friends, and don't ever be afraid to ask for help.

  6. i pretty much second marcy. it sounds all very familiar when i think back to the newness of those days. game changer for me was when my mom reminded me that babies can sense our emotions and anxiety. for some reason this made me less anxious about all the things i couldn't control or in her case, stop her from crying. i'm sure you're doing great even through the fog.

  7. Found your blog through Where My Heart Resides. So much beauty and truth on this corner of the internet! Staying at home with a newborn is so hard- harder than people give you credit for. But trust that you're doing an amazing job and that your little one is being cared for by the person who loves her most!

  8. I'm sure you get this so often, but I love your blog. It's always one of my daily reads and I hope to be as successful at blogging as you are one day :)

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  10. Our little one just hit 3 and a half months and it has gotten so much easier already. Those first few months are really difficult, but before you know it breastfeeding will be a breeze and you'll be getting more consecutive hours of sleep. Good luck getting through the longest shortest time!


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