February 22, 2015

Snow days in our neighborhood are an absolute favorite scene for me. White blankets spread across all the hills and yards.  Just across the street from our house is Eden Park which sprawls over hilltops for 186 acres. It is one of my favorite places to be in the city and how lucky are we that it is quite literally, our front yard. Yesterday morning we woke to find the streets nearly un-driveable so we took the opportunity to bundle up with our sled in tow for an adventure through the park. We spent the good majority of the morning stomping around, sledding down some hills and taking in the river view from the top of the hill. It was foggy and snowy and had that peaceful quiet only snow has the ability to create. There was not another soul in site and it really was a somewhat magical morning. 

We came back in after a couple hours to warm our toes and eat big bowls of soup for lunch. It was perfect.


February 17, 2015

The other day I was sitting in Ru's room, rocking her as she slept and started thinking about the future and the possibility of another baby. I've had these thoughts for some time and know there is no rush in having another babe and in the right time, things will happen the way they are supposed to but still, I can't help but feel a little sad that in this moment, the idea of another babe is not exciting to me. I know for sure that I want more children. I'm not questioning that - I just wish I could feel as excited as I did when we were thinking of baby number 1. I posted these words to my Instagram account and the comments of encouragement and support really helped me feel not alone. Thank you, if you contributed to that conversation. It meant so much. 

'A few thoughts as I sit here with my 2 year old daughter sound asleep in my arms for the last hour with nothing else to do but think. First off, I am NOT pregnant. This is us, her and I, 2 years ago. Actually, I was getting ready to meet her on this exact day- my last shot of me with her tucked away safely. I was being induced in just several hours and was overwhelmed. Nick snapped this photo of us just as we were heading out the door. And now, the best 2 years of my life so far gone by and talk of maybe another baby sometime not so far away. And here's where I struggle. I want my daughter to have siblings 100% and I love nothing more in the entire universe than mothering, but I'm just not excited about it. Baby fever? Don't have it. But gosh did I when we were trying for R. I wanted her so deeply and the fact that I'm void of that same feeling now saddens me to no end. 

Me and this little family have such a good thing going. My days with JUST her are so cherished. I mourn the thought of those days being gone. Things are getting easy- she sleeps, travels, eats anything, is the best little buddy there is and the idea of starting again and rocking everyone's world is frightening. I also know having another child would be amazing beyond belief and that the love I feel for this one would be the same for another but it's hard. It's hard to imagine it all and to say goodbye to life as it is now. I feel like I am the only mama with these sad thoughts on having another baby. 

Motherhood. It always catches me in the rawest ways.'

Did anyone else feel like this for baby 2, 3, or 4? Maybe I won't ever feel that deep desire to have another baby but once they arrive I'll wonder how I ever lived without them? Also, Ruthie is baby obsessed. I so badly want to give her a sibling and know that I will one day. In the meantime, I'm trying to make sense of my feelings and find contentment in the fact that I just may not feel the same way I did about pregnancy 2 years ago. And that's okay.


February 10, 2015

Is Valentine's Day really just a few days away? Guess so! Nick and I don't do much to celebrate - usually our favorite take out and hand written cards and honestly, that's all I need. We've never been one of those couples who needs to go over the top to show each other we care. We do that in our everyday - cooking dinner for each other, tag teaming this parenting gig, picking up a favorite treat on the way home from work, spur of the moment dinner dates. We are simple and truly, it's the only way I want to be. 

These sweet cards are from local paper goods artist AP loves design and her work is some of my favorite. It's cute and simple and made with a ton of love.


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